A reading from the Gospel According to the American Ta-back-HO:

And it came to pass that Durham did Stumble O’er Loose Bricks, and amidst the giant turkey legs and dipped ice cream cones, a Colorfully Named Development Company did sponsor a libation enclosure, which Blazer Manpurse, BFA did enter (though he was a little torked at having to pay $10 to get in, but hey). And while there, the snark did fly from his lips, and there was passion.

And after a time, a special cup was proffered to Manpurse, and, being of unsound mind (not to mention body) from the previous several cups, he did take this one. “If it be possible,” he said, “make not this cup to pass my lips, because I’m getting a serious groove on.”

And groove he did. But he did not know that a “mickey” had been slipped to him. And after he acted like a cock three times, the colorfully jackbooted thugs did enter the garden and seize him, and he “snarked” all over their pretty boots, which did not make them any happier.

The thugs brought him to the Captains of Industry, who then handed Manpurse over to their leader, Paunchy Pileup, who asked what should be done with the prisoner.

“Redevelop him!!” they shouted.

And a shrewd smile did pass o’er the lips of Paunchy, and Manpurse did tremble, and a long night did pass , and deep doo-doo did occur.

The next morning, dark clouds broke and a wondrous sight did appear over the glistening new downtown. The glorified Manpurse was seen to hover over the See, Say, Be Plaza, and before he was assumed into the place that makes an ass of u and me, the spirit of snark burst forth and did descend upon all in the Bull City.

And when they learned what had transpired, all who dwelled there did say “Our most annoying blogger has left us, but we are all Blazer Manpurse now.” And they took the snark into their hearts and hatched many schemes.

And the Captains of Industry did tremble.

I just stopped in to grab a bite at the American Hero on Roxboro Street (have you seen their famous miracle, by the way? In the big plexiglass case by the counter? Astounding!) and they had the following leaflets available for the takin’:

I hope there’s no linkage between the cuisine and the limousine, but now I’m suddenly filled with a strange sense of dread. Good thing I’m off to drink heavily in the garden at the big Derm Rizing party. Liver don’t fail me now!!

Things seem to be shaping up pretty nicely—only a few dozen bricks to stumble over, instead of several thousand, still some “problem areas” here and there, but it looks like once again we’re gonna pull something nice from our collective corn chute.

I’m on board with renaming our new town square, the anachronistically dubbed “CCB Plaza,” something much more fitting with the ex-hippie vibe of this town. So for our purposes we’ll call it the “See, Say, Be Plaza,” hmm? Anyway, stumbling around the SSB earlier, I couldn’t help but notice that there are flag poles prominently placed there. Yes, not just one, not two, not even three—but four (count ‘em!), four flag poles, highlighted below.

Why so many? Oh come on, gentle reader. Lessee, there’s one for the US flag, the NC flag, maybe the Durham flag, and…and…hmm. I guess I’m stumped too. I don’t know what flag that fourth slot could be intended for—a jolly roger? McDonald’s? The flag of one of our sister cities? One for Elijah? The possibilities are endless. Here’s a few that pop to mind:

And let’s not stop the fun there. Submit your suggestions in the comments by NOON on SATURDAY, and we’ll see if we can’t get it run up the you-know-what in time for the festivities Saturday night.

Pictures are always helpful, of course, and there’s a fabulous prize at stake (a homemade Redman CD I found on the street the other day—broken jewel case and all. How’s that for Durham grit?) Let’s get cracking!

Juneteenth

First, this Saturday, June 16th, is the 3rd Annual Durham Juneteenth Celebration at the Hayti Heritage Center on Fayetteville Street, featuring music, spoken word, food, and of course, martial arts.

Then next Saturday the 23rd, there’s even more competition for the Rock ‘em Sock ‘em robots below—our neighborhood former plantation Historic Stagville is having its first Juneteenth Celebration, including “costumed actors portraying actual members of the enslaved community at Stagville,” whoa. Also, local string band faves the Carolina Chocolate Drops will perform (thanks to that ever-so-influential-article by the Indy’s Mr. Geary for that tipoff).

Check ‘em both out, and let’s start planning the celebrations for January 21, 2009 while we’re at it…