Its been a veritable whirlwind of activity downtown, as workers scramble to make the “in by noon, out by June” deadline for the big spiffing-up project. The most eagerly anticipated new feature of the city center streetscape, the shrine to seminal (I love saying that word) Akron new wave weirdos DEVO, is almost complete.
Situated in the very heart of the Five Points Satanic Triangle, the “energy dome” sculpture, a monument both to the band and the entire concept of devolution, is appropriately surrounded by a patchy-ass mound of dirt that the city has no intention of improving.
“See, that’s the irony,” said Mayor Bell, a “spud” from way back. “We’re excited about where Durham is heading, but we still wanted to find a way to comment on the overall lack of progress we’re making as a species, and remind folks that we’re all doomed to regress to primitive forms. We had some extra bond money floating around, so we said ‘fuck it, let’s do it.'”
The shrine will be offically inaugurated in just a few more weeks when the “Celebration of Downtown Sepcialness” gala opens the refurbished city hub to the public. Mayor Bell and the rest of the City Council will perform the entire “New Traditionalists” album a capella, after which the mayor will sacrifice a bull on top of the monument, thus ensuring a bountiful harvest and giving the dome its requisite crimson hue.