MIRACLE of LAKEWOOD

MIRACLE of LAKEWOOD headlines
“Lynchburg will have nothing on Durham in the coming days. We have hired consultants in Guadalupe, Turin, and Lourdes to help us handle the expected pilgrimage. We can announce now that the admission charge will be in line with need.”

THE SHROUD OF DURHAM

shroudofdurham.jpg

(copyright Oakes of Mallstrippes, Inc.)

The Tulsa, Oklahoma developer revealed that “authentication will be provided by a committee selected from approved schools of religion” — the anointed couple can’t remember if the bed-sheet was an end-of-term student castoff or picked up at a local thrift store but spoke “swearing on a stack of Bibles” that the sacred object was “originally almost totally white”. “Honest — you can believe us — we believe us.” “Never mind” interjected the spokesperson for Oakes of Mallstrippes, “thread count holds the key to the holy relic’s true source — “we are sponsoring the entire cost, but it’s up to the committee to decide!”

Advertisements

7 Responses to MIRACLE of LAKEWOOD

  1. D-Roll says:

    Pshaw, I call bullshit on this one. Couldn’t help but notice the swelling throngs at the shopping center across from the Red & White at Club & Roxboro, so I started waving my burrito around as if it were a pistol. It’s not a coincidence that this appeared the week after the dorms emptied; the sheet looks like a combination of cigarette butts and cum stains to me. But what do I know.

  2. Joe says:

    D-Roll: Are cigarette burns and cum stains incompatible with divinity? Nah, didn’t think so.

  3. Third Friday says:

    I don’t get it.

  4. me neither…but it sure is a purty arrangement of cum stains and whatnot…i got nothin’ but uvulations.

  5. it is obvious jim morrison included derm during his tenth life visit. he left proof of his return at balzer’s fuck pad.

  6. Man this is nothin but bullshit, somebody has really fucked on this sheet for sure. They should stop spreading stuff like this

  7. THE COACH says:

    Dear MR. AMERICA —

    We have many SACRED institutions in Durham and ignoring evidence of the
    Divine Presences in our midst will cause severe detours in your life and
    career path AND a LOSS OF ALL YOUR MONEY. Get On Your Knees and Get Right
    with The Almighty or Devils will Punish You.

    Not A True Believer? Here is some evidence of what will happen to you should
    you ignore The Commandments and flout the True Order:

    http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/0907071nifong1.html

    Blow The Whistle on these impure thoughts of yours! Stand At Attention when
    in the presence of your betters in private and in public and Handle Your
    Firearm only under correct supervision and with strict discipline!

    Lift up your voice and Sing About Our Great Land
    (Click here: http://www.texasdude.com/cry.htm)

    And Keep Your Eyes On The Bright Shining City On The Hill!

    Yours in Fellowship – THE COACH

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: