So you should know by now that there’s, like, an event of some sort going on in Duke Park on Saturday night. I think it’s called the Beaver Queen Pageant.
Judging from Barry’s blog, they will be documenting it in every medium known to humankind (I think I heard the stone tablet carver is confirmed), but of course, nothing beats the satisfaction of that wet, juicy beaver up close and personal.
So bring the kids (even if they don’t get the labia laffs yet), as it promises to be a good time for all. The organizers were insane enough to get yours truly on board as a judge, and you just know that the combination of my sparkling wit, a pair of assless chaps, and a shitload of Wild Turkey are gonna make for some memorable fun. On second thought, bring the kids but keep them faaaaar away from me. I’ve been out of college for a while, but my hurling skills are still pretty impressive.
I’m also hoping that that cute cop from last year won’t be making the scene…or at least that he’ll be off duty.
ADDENDUM TO YOUR PUDENDUM: When are we going to learn to bring Ms. Pedalphile into these things earlier?? Her discovery of Beaver Liquors is a stroke of genius and should give pageant organizers (and future contestants) some good ideas for next year. At the very least I’m envisioning a great Foster Brooks-type contestant, Liquor Beaver Beaver Licker in the future—and there are plenty of other costume ideas available at said boozery:
Now, perhaps one of this year’s judges has already found said establishment-?
It takes a while to find all the hidden (and NSFW) gems on their web site, but it’s well worth it (the naked lady in the humidor is my fave—because sometimes a cigar is not just a…well, you know).
I think pageant organizers need to reward all contestants and judges with a field trip to Avon, Colorado to witness this steamy pit of beaverosity firsthand.