Falwell lays a doozie

May 16, 2007

Insert fart noise hereThe lawyers say we can’t tell you too much now, but we can report that the Right Reverend met his maker while in the middle of a telephone interview with representatives of a certain scatalogical “Blog.”

Showing a surprising familiarity with the goings on in a sleepy college town known more for its “lacrosse” than “The Cross,” Falwell expounded at length on “positive developments” his dutiful minions have been “monitoring” in Bullsville.

“We’ve finally broken down the wall between church and bar,” he noted. “And that really has a lot of potential for converting the drunken sodomites of your town.”

“But what I’m most excited about is the upcoming Evangelical Food Revival that will be taking place on May 26. I understand they’ve moved it out of the filthy city center and into a more family-friendly venue on the outskirts of civilization,” he wheezed. “That’s brilliant thinking. May God strike me down if that isn’t the greatest ide–”

The conversation ended at that point with an abrupt “thud,” however, our dutiful scribes report that the audio tape of the conversation clearly indicates that the Pillar of Virtue’s final words were something to the effect of “Why is it so hot in here? And what am I doing in this handbasket?”


Snark News Network

April 28, 2007

ShadesWith the dizzying array of media choices out there, it’s hard to stay on top of everything. Here are some stories we’re following in the ‘Shat newsroom.

ITEM! The New Yawk Times just ran a piece on our l’il slice of heaven, and the snarkily delicious A Complete Bunch of Pants dissects the corpse.

ITEM! Captain America arrested for molesting woman while having a burrito shoved down his pants. Quoth the American Ta-Back-HO, “Is that a perfect fucking metaphor for this country right now, or what??”

ITEM! Still further proof that if the bozos in power were characters in a movie, you’d never believe them